Halloween Candy (and how to lose the love/hate relationship)
It’s the day after Halloween. You wake up feeling a mix of guilt and fear. Guilt because you ate all the candy that didn’t get passed out (candy that isn’t even a kind you particularly enjoy, which you did on purpose), wrappers in a heap on the table that you quickly smushed together and disposed of, angry with yourself and unable to tolerate seeing the ‘evidence’. Along comes fear. Fear that you’re not going to be able to pass up the leftover candy everyone is bringing in to the office today. Or maybe you feel resolve, confident you can pass it up because you are so disgusted with yourself you just know you’ll be able to be strong.
How many intentionally buy candy you don’t like to pass out to trick or treaters? The thought tends to go like this: I’ll buy something I don’t like so I’m not tempted to eat any. But what actually happens is this: you’re excited with all the festivities and want to join in the fun. You feel a sense of deprivation underneath the fun, having told yourself you’re not allowed to partake in candy eating. You tell yourself you’ll ‘just have one piece’. One turns into two, turns into ten, turns into ‘fuck it, I’ll be ‘good’ again tomorrow’ and all the candy (and leftover cookies in the kitchen) are gone and you’re left feeling out of control and ashamed. It’s not until the binge is over that you realize you didn’t really even enjoy the type of candy you ate and that the cookies were a little stale.
What if we can write a different story for ourselves this year? A story that involves enjoyment, ease and fun. What if Halloween can come and go, free of guilt, shame and fear? It IS possible. And it involves allowing ourselves to enjoy candy we actually like.
Buy candy you truly enjoy. I know…crazy talk. But really. You may still eat more than you think feels good for you today, but you may also enjoy it more than those sub-par chocolates you planned to pass out. And you deserve to experience joy with eating.
Focus on being present when eating the candy so you have a chance to enjoy. If you tell yourself you aren’t allowed to eat any Halloween candy, when you do end up eating it you are going to be rushing through the experience, already feeling guilty for ‘being bad’. If you give yourself permission to enjoy candy, you can try to relax and focus on the actual eating and enjoying of it. Here are a couple of prompts to try:
is this how you remember the candy tasting?
is the texture pleasant/unpleasant/neutral?
is the flavor what you were hoping for?
Draw your attention to your surroundings. Are you with loved ones, having fun? Co-workers who make you laugh? Take a moment to take a breath and take inventory of where you are and who you’re with. Eating is not a sterile experience-it’s made alive by all that goes into making the moment, including how we’re feeling towards the food, the environment and people. Giving yourself a chance to soak it all in can heighten the pleasure of the experience.
If you wake up the day after Halloween feeling ashamed, guilty, or physically uncomfortable…I know you’re in pain and am holding extra space for you. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Show yourself kindness. You are not alone in your suffering. How would you talk to a friend who was vulnerable with you, sharing that she feels trapped in a cycle of dieting and bingeing? You would probably tell her ‘I get it. It’s so hard.’ Try to offer yourself this same understanding.
Just because you overate candy yesterday does not mean you don’t eat today. You need to eat today. You deserve to eat today no matter what you ate yesterday. This is where it’s helpful to remember the binge/shame/restrict cycle. You binged on candy last night, feel shame now, decide to eat clean/cleanse/count points/etc… today. That lasts until the feelings of deprivation set in. You binge. You feel ashamed. You start your next ‘it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle’ plan. This isn’t your fault. It’s a not a lack of willpower. Your body is responding exactly how it’s meant to when faced with deprivation. Try to reframe thoughts of “I’m the worst” with the reminder of “I’m in a tough spot. I live in a culture preoccupied with food and bodies. I’m trying my best to learn a different way.”
Wishing you a cozy and peaceful Halloween, complete with enjoyment of your favorite Halloween candy :-)