Knowing v. 'Knowing' with Intuitive Eating and Health At Every Size

In my practice I’ve seen the most thoughtful, brilliant and compassionate people. They excel in their careers and/or education, are attuned to feelings of their own and others (or are working hard to build this skill) and care deeply about their people. And almost every person has said to me at some point “I get it (intuitive eating, health at every size, food freedom), but I don’t get it”. Translation: “intellectually I understand the concept, but experientially I’m at a loss.” This feels SO hard. So hard because we can know and understand the evidence that supports Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size, but feel clueless as to how to make it feel true and put the concepts into practice.

When we discover Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size after a lifetime of dieting and fighting our bodies, we simultaneously exhale and tense up. We ache for the possibility of freedom and healing, but at the same time don’t trust it can actually be true. We read books, listen to podcasts, and follow IE and HAES folks on Instagram in an effort to let it sink in and hopefully offer new language and insights. We understand that the research is sound and ample: diets/restriction do not cause sustained weight loss (but do cause eating disorders and general misery), BMI is a false measure of health, and the pursuit of weight loss more often (much, much more often) causes harm than a lower number on the scale (which very often also comes with harm). We can’t help but look at the overwhelming evidence and feel we’ve all been duped and ready to give this whole “not-dieting” thing a shot.

So you may loosen the reigns and start to eat foods that you’ve put off limits for the last decade. It feels a little too good to be true and you start having this thought (at first bubbling in a low boil in the background) that this new freedom is going to be taken away. Instead of enjoying and feeling ease around foods you’ve previously banished, you may find yourself binging, in a rush to eat it before it once again is off-limits. And then the fear and shame come rushing in: ”I can’t really be allowed to eat this food!! I just binged on it! Intuitive Eating is just not for me. I can’t be trusted around food/I’ll eat all the _____/I’m addicted to sugar/I’ll only eat ‘bad’ food…” and the yelling in your brain goes on. 

So what are you to do when you intellectually know Intuitive Eating is a way toward healing and freedom, but in practice just feel straight up fear that this is a huge mistake and that it’s all just beyond your reach? First, know that you are okay. I haven’t met anyone that hasn’t grappled with fear and doubt when leaving dieting/disordered eating and stepping toward healing with Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size. You’re right where you need to be. You can’t do Intuitive Eating wrong. 

As painful as this moment in time is, it is helping you move closer to a more peaceful relationship with food and your body. You are able to do hard things (and this is hard). So look back at those books, listen to favorite podcast episodes, and scroll through your favorite IE and HAES Instagramers. Disengage from your thoughts by naming them as a part of you (not all of you) who felt comforted by dieting, but who you can lovingly tell to take a few steps back. And when you’re ready, reach out to a therapist who practices from an Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size framework who can help you unpack the thoughts and experiences that are no longer serving you. 

Wishing you a New Year filled with kindness and patience with yourself!