Intuitive Eating & Vulnerability (and the false promise weight loss offers)

Weight loss efforts are appealing for so many reasons. The one that gets a lot of attention is the end result-the promise of a body that will make you feel proud, a body that will make all of the other things you worry about somehow cease to exist (or at least cause less worry), a body that is the body you were meant to have. All of which are appealing as hell when we’re spiraling, deeply ashamed of our body. And all of which we realize after a ‘successful’ weight loss effort are actually totally false. 

But diets and ‘clean’ eating plans are appealing for another big reason: they are structured, governed by rules, operate on right/wrong, and give us purpose. Following a new diet gives us permission (straight-up social applause at times) to hyper-focus on something outside ourselves. It feels safe, organizing and right. If we just follow the rules, there is a clear end result. 

And this is what traps us. The false promise of certainty. It’s impossible to look inward, sit with the things that terrify us and wrestle with the uncertainty of life when we’re too busy agonizing over the details of what we’re eating. And hell, that’s the point right? Avoid the things that make us want to curl into the fetal position and plug our ears?

I love Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability: “[vulnerability] is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”. Intuitive Eating asks us to stay in a place of vulnerability, particularly when first learning this new way of relating to food (or rather, unlearning the years/lifetime of miseducation on food and our bodies). It is scary. It doesn’t offer any promises of how your body will respond. It brings up feelings you’ve been actively trying to keep down. It asks us to go down a path to freedom that is laden with moments of fear. Fears such as: I’m too big-Intuitive Eating doesn’t apply to me, I’m never going to stop eating, I am going to gain weight, I can’t tolerate the feelings that arise in the absence of me controlling my eating environment. 

Intuitive Eating is scary. It does not promise anything. But it does offer a blueprint for how to find peace with food. It will require many moments of sitting with really uncomfortable stuff. But they are just that-moments. In between moments of discomfort are moments of new sensations with eating (and life): satisfaction, freedom, enjoyment. I am sitting with you and here to share that it truly is possible. From my own experience and healing and from the experience and healing of all the brave people I’ve had the privilege of working with on their own journey. It is possible.